this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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