Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
