I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
