last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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