My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
