My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
we should paint friendship bongs
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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