You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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