Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
