He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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