You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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