i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
