I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
