once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I need moral support for this bender
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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