fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
