So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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