Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
