Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
