So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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