I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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