There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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