he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
