i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
