I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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