How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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