Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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