i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
