every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
