I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
