I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize