U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
