to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
