Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
barbara walters just said penis...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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