At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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