i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
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