i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
