Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
