If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You were trust falling into bushes
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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