I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
