Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
