How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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