I forgot how hot balto sounded
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize