I have demons in me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
