I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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