elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
