so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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