exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
