I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
