I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
