WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
