so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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