Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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