She went from zero to smokin in five shots
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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