I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
