I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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