He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
