you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
