whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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