yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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