she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
