when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
