take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
