one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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