Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the condom got lost in my hair
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
