how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When are your genitals available?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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