Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
