I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
