Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
