just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
