i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
