I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
