i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
