Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
