It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
