This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
